it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
