hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
