Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
