bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
