I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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