I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize