i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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