I feel great
I just peed on a car
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
