I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
