I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
