u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
