my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
