I can text with my tongue
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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