if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize