The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
