All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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