Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
