Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize