THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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