Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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