i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
