Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
