i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
