Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
