My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
