i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
