she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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