i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
