32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I color on your dick again?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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