At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
