saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
