I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
