did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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