you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
