I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
