would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
