Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize