If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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