Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
