every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
