Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
