there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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