I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
