when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
