Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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