Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
