This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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