he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
