hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
