Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
