My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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