You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
