I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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