There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
