well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
