She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
