I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
