so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
