He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
