I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
