dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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