I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
