Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
