Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize