are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
