No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
