TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
