I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
