got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
