Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
