he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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