all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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