I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
