well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
