I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
