she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
