well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
