I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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