I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
