All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
