Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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