i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
