Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
