Who did Billy Mays play for?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
