Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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