Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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