i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
