If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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