I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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