the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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