My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
